my own sweet world

[Jan. 30th, 2010|01:23 am]

[

Current Mood

sad

]

But if we don't try, then who will?
And we will always live with the wonder of what could have been, what we never knew.

Because we never tried.

(no subject)	[Jan. 30th, 2010\|01:18 am]
The moon is so pretty tonight, Can you see it too? Is it this pretty, where you are? It's not as pearly white as it usually is, It has hints of yellow. I've always wondered why that happens to the moon sometimes. Have you ever wondered the same? The moon, It reminds me of you. Every time I look at it, It's only you. We've talked about it a lot, The moon. We've stared at it together. Do you remember, all those times, All those nights? I do. They still haunt me, now. After all this time, Despite the many kinds of distances between us. These distances, Of space, time, and being, Do you think we can ever overcome them? Do you want to? I do. I dream about overcoming them everyday. But I know you don't. And that hurts, More than anything.
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A convenient truth

[Jan. 30th, 2010|12:23 am]

[	Tags	\|	environment, life	]
[	Current Mood	\|	content	]

Sigh.
I am filled with a different kind of contentment.

I could live for the environment.
And for Earthlink.

The amount i've learnt, and want to learn, is tremendous and satisfying.
Now i know, for sure, that this is what i want to do with my life.

[Jan. 1st, 2010|04:28 am]

[

Current Mood

sad

]

I messed up.

Like so, so bad.

And this has NOTHING to do with my exams. Absolutely nothing.

Something so, so much more.

I screwed up like CRAZY.

I can't stop crying.

I'm so, so sorry.

Incredibly sorry, really.

I can't even do anything about it.

And I'm leaving in ten days.

I need some hope, some faith. A wish.

But it's too late. It's always too late.

And it's me, right? :|

What a way to start the new year.

So cheers, eh?

[Dec. 25th, 2009|01:21 pm]

[	Tags	\|	random	]
[	Current Mood	\|	blank	]
[	Current Music	\|	World so Cold - Three Days Grace	]

Funnily, I always thought I hated photography. I just realized that, in fact, I love it. Not photographing people, as such. But random objects. Two days in Bangalore at a resort with my cousin's fantastic camera taught me that. Though the most I managed to capture over there were tall coconut trees.

Bring out the camera!

:)

Brightest of all the colours.

[Dec. 24th, 2009|09:23 pm]

[

Current Music

Thunder - Boys like Girls

]

Sometimes, no matter how long it is, it just doesn't seem like long enough.

I wish I thought less, was less complicated. Easier to understand. I can't even understand myself, most of the time!

Always.

I can only hope, now.

Numbers	[Dec. 15th, 2009\|12:02 am]
14. Fourteen. Four-teen. Sometimes, numbers can haunt.
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No matter what.

[Dec. 10th, 2009|06:16 am]

[	Tags	\|	love	]
[	Current Mood	\|	sad	]
[	Current Music	\|	23 - Jimmy Eat World	]

There's something about these lines that haunts me:

"Amazing still it seems,
I'll be 23,
I won't always love what I'll never have,
I won't always live in my regrets."

It haunts me. Whenever I listen to it.
What am I afraid of, really?

Three pieces. Three. That's what's happening now. As scary as it seems. As shocking as it is.
I don't understand, sometimes.

Never.

I just wish.

I'm here, i'm now.

[Dec. 10th, 2009|06:15 am]

[	Tags	\|	holidays, home	]
[	Current Location	\|	the room	]
[	Current Music	\|	Home - Chris Daughtry	]

Well.

My first semester is done. Time just passed by, so quickly. I'm back home right now, sitting in my room after four entire months. It's all so overwhelming, really.

I've been thinking a lot, as usual. About this semester, the next one, the holidays in between, the holidays later, myself, my friends here, my friends there, and life in general.

This semester has been such a huge learning experience for me. I think I've learnt more in the past four months than my entire life has taught me. Living alone, in a whole new country, gives you experiences you can never hope to attain by any other means. It's been great. However incredibly hard, frustrating and sad the first two months were, i guess the next two kind of made up. Despite the constant pressure of the soon approaching exams, I managed to build a few great relationships with some amazing people. A few, maybe, but good ones nonetheless. And I'm hoping that it's quality over quantity. :)

When I look back at the last two months, I realize how many memories I made. Not an insane number, like, maybe, most people might have, but enough. For me, for Shruti, for the way I am. However disastrous the exams may have been, I know I worked so, incredibly hard for them, and I'm hoping I pull something off. Now I'm looking forward to next semester. It's like, now I know EXACTLY what I did wrong, EXACTLY what I did right , this semester. I understand how things work, now. I feel much more prepared for next semester. It may not be as brilliant as I'm hoping it will be, but I can't help but look forward to a new beginning to something old.

Home, suddenly, feels weird. I've been back for almost a week now, but, I don't know, something seems to be missing. It's like, I came here, and everything is... different. My parents and brother are the same, I guess. But my life has always been so much more than just them. My friends- it's like, they all have their new lives. And when I look at them, and listen to their college stories, i'm really happy for them, genuinely. But, as much as I love Uni life, it's only after looking at my friends back in Chennai that I realize how much easier it is for them. Their new lives are in Chennai, as are their old ones. And when that's the case, it's so easy to combine, to merge the two and live. It's like, now, I'm the outsider. My new life is 3000 miles away, and my old one doesn't seem to exist anymore, since everything has just changed, everyone has just... moved on. I mean, they're all still there for me, they all still love me, but it's just, SO different now. So incredibly different. How do I ever balance these two lives, when I can possibly never, ever merge them?

So many questions.
But for now, I shall enjoy my break. It's alright, I may not get to spend the most time with my friends, they have college, exams and so much, but I'll manage to stay as happy and content as possible. :)

[Nov. 20th, 2009|02:14 pm]

[	Tags	\|	exams	]
[	Current Mood	\|	sad	]
[	Current Music	\|	Stop Crying your Heart Out - Oasis	]

Fail.
For sure.

I am so, terribly disappointed and sad.

[Nov. 11th, 2009|12:28 am]

[	Tags	\|	exams	]
[	Current Music	\|	You Could Be Happy - Snow Patrol	]

Frustrated.
So frustrated.
So incredibly frustrated.

Exams.
Epic fail.

W.

And sooner or later it's over.

[Nov. 3rd, 2009|03:38 pm]

[	Current Location	\|	Library	]
[	Current Mood	\|	awake	]
[	Current Music	\|	Iris - Goo Goo Dolls	]

So. I am sitting in the library now, staring out at the amazing view. I just had a cup of sugarless coffee (ugh), but it was worth it. Now i am AWAKE. And ready to do my speech for my communication class, Computing and chemistry for Thursday's and Friday's tests.

I can't believe that my first semester here is nearly over. I mean, exams in two weeks, and then I'm going home in a month! Time flies, really.

(The view is amazing! And it is going to rain. Black sky.)

I'm beginning to love it here (i think, i hope! Or is it just the view and the coffee?) but I really, really want to go home. It's been so long. I'm leaving on the 4th of December, and honestly cannot wait! I have a bad feeling that I won't want to come back! Home is-home! Brilliant, amazing, and never lonely.

But I know how I am- i have a feeling that next semester is going to be pretty good. Something tells me that it just might be fun.

I really hope i'm not jinxing it already.

So, i will go study , and do the things i need to do. :)

Signing off,
Shruti

Busybusybusy.

[Oct. 10th, 2009|12:46 am]

[	Tags	\|	college, exams, life	]
[	Current Location	\|	Dorm room	]
[	Current Mood	\|	busy	]
[	Current Music	\|	You Found Me - The Fray	]

I need more time!

NTU knows how to keep its students busy. And ECAs are really, really catching up. I have three articles to finish in the next 24 hours. Sigh. This is the point when you feel that sleep really is a waste of time.

Also, this is the point when you can actually feel the pressure on your head. So much, so little time, really.

But otherwise, no, including all of this, things are good. I'm finally used to everything, have understood SO much about myself, and the people around me. After a few days of some serious introspection, I am now happy, relieved, and content. Things could be better, but then again, they could be worse. And under the various circumstances, and looking at the fact that I am who I am, I think this is the best it could get, and it is so, so comforting to feel that way. :)

I still miss everyone back home. I know that there are some people back there who are irreplaceable, people who are just too amazing for anyone over here to ever match up to. But it's alright, I guess.

^_^

Today's chemistry quiz was a disaster, but I'm hoping that the physics and computing quizzes made up for it. Hoping. Chemistry, I need to catch up on. And economics! So much.

I think I might move into the library. Makes things easier.

Exams in a little over a month! But after that...Home. Can't wait.

Cannot, cannot. :)

Analyzing. Once again.

[Sep. 21st, 2009|10:45 pm]

[	Current Location	\|	Dorm room	]
[	Current Mood	\|	annoyed	]
[	Current Music	\|	Yellow - Coldplay	]

Right.

i think it's time to do some serious introspection. I've been putting this off for too long.

So. Now. Oh my god. I don't even know where to start.

I think I'll just go now.

Talk about a failed attempt to get things out and down.

Ugh.

:|

College. Now. The Future. Everything.

[Sep. 5th, 2009|01:07 pm]

[	Tags	\|	college, life	]
[	Current Location	\|	Dorm room	]
[	Current Mood	\|	anxious	]
[	Current Music	\|	Over You - Chris Daughtry	]

Wow, here I am. Unbelievable, but true. And obviously I knew that things wouldn't fall into place the moment I got here. Obviously, I am not that naive, or optimistic for that matter. It's just that, after a whole month, I expect a little, little more than what I seem to have right now. As lucky as I am to even be here, and as fortunate as I am to have such a beautiful university campus, amazing facilities and all, I just can't seem to appreciate the place to the fullest extent. For one simple reason. People. No one is an island, and though I know a few people, there's no one who I seem to be close to. Everyone else seems to be so settled in, all of them in these groups having fun. I don't care,really. It's just that to really have fun, experience everything to the fullest and feel at home (Four years!!) you need people. Friends. To talk to, to have fun with. I know that. I had friends, amazing once. HAVE, I mean, but they're two thousand miles away, so they can't really help the cause.

I know that most of this is my fault. This is how I am, horrible at making friends. All the friends that I have now came to me, for god know what reason. But they did, they made the first move, all of them. They were nice enough to do so, and I love them to bits for that. But in a place as big as this one, where everyone seems tp have already made their groups, where no one cares and everyone is so superficial(it IS college, after all), I really doubt that anyone is going to make that effort. So I really do blame myself. But these past few weeks, I really have been trying. For the first time. And there have been times when people have snubbed me. And it hurt. But I am still trying, I know that I have to. I don't want to seem desperate, I'm trying not to seem that way. And I'm not. I'm just looking. Loneliness has never bothered me as such. It's just, seeing everyone in these huge groups laughing sometimes gets to you when you feel so alone. I sound depressed, I know. It's actually not that bad, the place is great! I just know that I need people who I can talk to and have fun with. That's all. And I'm trying to be as patient as possible.

There's so much more to say, but there's so much to do as well! So I'll be back soon, definitely. :)

1 comment|Leave a comment

Hope

[Jun. 29th, 2009|08:33 am]

[	Tags	\|	college, life	]
[	Current Mood	\|	hopeful	]

Well, a lot has been happening, really. And, hopefully, a lot will happen. Good things, that is. :)

But right now, I have SO much to do. So, so much. Of course, me being me, I am way to lazy to do all of them right now. But i will, i will. After a few days of procrastination!

Honestly, I want the next month to fly by. But also, I don't want it to. August is going to be so different. I'll be in a new place, a new country, with new people, and sadly, quite alone. Unless I make friends soon, which is a task for me. But I don't want to ruin all of this with my extreme pessimism, so like last time, i'm going to sign off on a hopeful note.

I'm still keeping my fingers crossed. For the future. For the people I love. For everything.

<3

!!!

[Jun. 5th, 2009|06:54 pm]

[	Tags	\|	college	]
[	Current Location	\|	TV	]
[	Current Mood	\|	overwhelmed	]
[	Current Music	\|	My brother watching Disney channel	]

OH. MY. GOD.

I, Shruti, got into NTU!

Shocking. Scary. Amazing!

I hope everything turns out well. *fingers crossed*

This is it

[May. 27th, 2009|11:46 pm]

[	Tags	\|	results	]
[	Current Location	\|	the room	]
[	Current Mood	\|	relieved	]
[	Current Music	\|	Tell Me Why - Taylor Swift	]

91.6 % !!!

It's all over now i guess. Or rather, just begun. :)

This, you've got to see

[Apr. 21st, 2009|06:05 pm]

[	Tags	\|	lol	]
[	Current Mood	\|	amused	]
[	Current Music	\|	White Flag - Dido	]

Just zoom in for the best fairy tale ever :D

Exams, summer and everything in between - 1

[Apr. 20th, 2009|06:16 pm]

[	Tags	\|	life	]
[	Current Location	\|	Bed bed bed	]
[	Current Mood	\|	contemplative	]
[	Current Music	\|	If today was your last day - Nickelback	]

Well like I said last time, I have much to say. On obviously nothing particularly important but lots all the same.

Firstly, I'm officially out of high school. Yay! Though I'm not too enthusiastic about leaving school, which has been my home for so long, I'm still really excited. Of course very scared too. Which brings me to the topic of COLLEGE. Yep. That word that totally and completely seems to freak me out. And can you blame me really? It's like all my life I've been working for this one thing, but now I don't even believe that I can get into college. Seriously. Apart from the fact that the whole college system is completely messed up in India. But that isn't an excuse. Though it really is unfair that only the best students can get into college on their own merit. What hurts the most is that I really used to be one of the 'best' students but after the last two years of - of so much really. Happiness, sorrow, new experiences and even heartbreak- so so much has changes. You won't believe me if I started. I just hate that I had to learn so much about life, so many lessons, valuable as they may be, at such a crucial point of my life, when I really should have just been studying as hard as I possibly could. After the fiasco that was eleventh grade, I really truly tried hard to rectify my mistakes and study in 12th, but I guess it was all in vain. I don't even want to start with how horribly my exams went. And at the end of the two years, I didn't even have what I began with. And do you know what I've been doing for the past two months? Ranting at every single opportunity I get. Which is just sad, even for me. So here's what I've decided. To Stop. And now. I think this whole thing has made me stoop low enough as it is. I am not going to let the last two years mess up the rest of my life. I know how ambitious I am, how much I want to do in life, and this is the best time to begin. There could be no better time. Three weeks are more than enough to sit and mope. Now I am so going to get on.

And guess what I got into the Australian national university. So what if I can't go? It's a great school.

So my battery is DOWN but I still have so much to say so hang in there!

P.S. I love Taylor Swift. In a purely musical sense :)